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Nothing is worse than being invisible to your crush…

We’ve all experienced that one crush that just seems to be completely oblivious to our existence, no matter what you do you are persona non grata. Sometimes it’s so bad you feel like you could be two feet in front of them,  hoping on one foot, singing I Want Your Sex off-key in a one piece crushed purple velvet pantsuit with an 80’s perm and matching velvet headband and they still wouldn’t notice you. 

It’s especially brutal when the crush lasts for months or even years and no matter what you just can’t shake it,  just spending few seconds with a crush can make you floating for the entire week you do the most ridiculous things to try to get that brief encounter and you know they aren’t feeling you or even seeing you but for some odd reason (brain malfunction) you continue to believe they will and do just about anything to prove it!

Here are some of my little tips to get noticed by your CRUSH. I can’t promise they will work but in this situation, anything is better than the velvet pantsuit right?

1. Be confident: If you don’t have any you FAKE it till you MAKE it baby!  Confidence gets noticed. Just a fact. So let your crush see that you are interesting. Be popular, laugh out loud,  be the center of attraction but make sure you come across as if it’s just part and parcel of being awesome and it’s really not that meaningful. If you have to fake it till you make it, then you go all out and project that awesomeness and not only will it boost your confidence and become part of you. I guarantee people will take notice of you much more than they ever have hopefully your crush will too.

2. Sneak and peek: Whenever near the lovely person you adore from afar try to exchange glances all you are attempting is to let you eyes connect briefly, so please for the love of all things kinky while attempting this DO NOT stare at them for a long time with this goofy dreamy look across you face, or with this intense “I’m trying to make you look at me” look either. You don’t look dreamy, you don’t look persistent you look creepy.

3. Showcase your skills but don’t be a dick: Your crush will definitely notice if you can show off something you are fantastic at without projecting arrogance.This is a fine line and it takes mastery. If you can’t do it, don’t. Just skip onto the next one.

4. Be Humbly Impressive: If and opportunity comes along for you to be able to display your kind side in front of your crush, then take advantage. Help a coworker or some friends but don’t contrive the situation nobody likes fake kindness.

5. Suck it up and go first:  If the opportunity is at your doorstep and you can approach your crush in an appropriate way then suck it up and that that ice. Have 5 mental scripts ready and waltz on over faking it till you make it.

6. Flirt Effectively: Little flirting is always liked by all, however,  most people get nervous and then the flirting turns into a weird awkward mess of a thing. Try and avoid the nerves by keeping thing short, sweet and memorable

7.Be the Weasel :  Not my recommended choice, but it has a high chance of producing the desired result. Find someone in their circle with whom you can hang with weaseling your way in.. hey no judgement! I get it!

8. Have Style: Yes, I said it and I’ll even say it’s essential. Cultivate a great sense of style, it is what people notice. A well dressed person not only stands out in the crowd but style statement always enhances the confidence too, not saying it’s right. Just saying it’s the way it is and you gotta play with whatcha got.

9. Hit that gym:  Yep, once again not saying it’s right, but it is the world we live in if you aren’t within your medically ideal weight, or you are not toned; hit the gym. We are highly visual creatures that are easily influenced by image and beauty. So, go to gym and be in good shape, really it’s good for your over all well-being.

10. Have an evaluation date:  This is more about you facing reality than it is about you connecting with the object of your desire* at some point you have to evaluate your efforts and look at the ratio between the amount of time you spent versus the progress you  have made. Have you made any headway? Do they even know you exist? You do not want to wake up at 85 realizing you chased someone and missed out of everything else so pick a project end date and DO NOT make excuses to avoid it.


Be easy, perverts